The Movement has begun!

Alright readers, I need to stop making a habit of this two month long hiatus I keep doing with my blog. It’s unfair to both of us; I feel like I’m not getting to share enough with all of you because I’m trying to fit everything into one post and then you are all stuck reading about “that one really awesome thing” that happened months ago. Sorry, I’m really going to try to be better (how many times have you read those words, huh?). I can promise that you’ll get at least two posts from me this week, since tomorrow is Blogging Against Disabilism Day 2013 and I’m signed up to contribute again!

So much has gone on in the past two months. I finished interning and grad school, went to California for Rehabilitation Counseling Conference and…oh yeah, started teaching my group fitness class! You know, that little thing I could not stop talking about. We had a free workshop at the gym for my first class and there were about 40 people there. My energy was all over the place, but I couldn’t have asked for a better welcome into this world surrounded by everyone that has helped me get to this place in my life, and some new faces too! And from what I was told, I did pretty darn good for my first class. It’s only gone up from there. Now that the regular classes have started, I have 9 people coming and they all seem to like what they’re seeing/doing! As with any other class, there are varying levels of fitness, limitations, and goals, so finding the balance has been a challenge, but it’s a challenge that I’ve waited so long to face. I’m still getting a lot of my kinks out with cueing and all that (instructor right and left anyone?! I honestly have to write a little L and R on my hands every week), but it’s getting there. For once in my life I don’t expect something to happen overnight. 🙂 I’ve included some workshop pictures at the end of this post, courtesy of Marisa Pellerin Photography once again. She’s amazing.

I wish I could share more about it all, but it’s so personal and perfect to me that I can’t even access so much of what went on that day, because I felt like I was living in a dream. I don’t praise myself, I don’t let others praise me, but this time I will. This is something that I have worked so hard for. Even at times when I didn’t know it. And now it’s here, and I’m living it. Sure there are pieces of the puzzle still left unturned, but it’s all room for the dream to grow a little bigger!

Check back tomorrow for my BADD post, a good one for sure! And check out the Fitness Rehab Movement on Better CT this past week!!

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My Body

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“Why do you out your body through so much?”
“Be careful. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“You must be really pissed off at your body.”
“Working out so much does not mean that you’re going to not have to deal with the Cerebral Palsy.”

Yes, all of those statements have been said to me at least once-sone hundreds of times. Yes, each of them has been true at some point in my life. However, they are not my top reasons for being so passionate and invested in my personal fitness journey. In fact, they are not even in my top 100.

Why do I work out and work so hard every day? Because I love my body.

I’ll admit that this wasn’t always the case. In the beginning, I was guilty of taking out my physical frustrations on my body. I was trying to perfect something that didn’t necessarily need perfecting. I was trying to fix something that wasn’t broken, at least not it the way I was thinking.

As time evolved though, so to did my mindset. Fitness became less about perfection and more about growth. Growth on both physical and emotional levels. I wanted to see how far I could get, where I could take my body and my mind, the goals I could accomplish and the boundaries I could healthily push. Even within the past week, that growth has expanded even more.

Fitness, for me, has become about loving myself, loving my body, and being confident in both. Because it is then that my physical strength has the opportunity to shine through and truly push the limits. I know this is my heart and I will not let anyone try to tell me otherwise. I have learned that when my motives are pure, and strong, and for the love of my body and myself, that’s when I feel most physically strong and able. And there is nothing that can beat that feeling.

Summer fun! and the Camp Care Countdown

Yesterday, I read a post by Dana of the Uncommon Sense blog–a wonderful blog about life with her adorable daughter Maya! She talked about having SBAD, or Seasonal Blog Abandonment Disorder, and how she’d been letting her blogging slip by in exchange for ice cream and park trips and all-around fun. I got a kick out of this concept and it is so true!! Summer showcases so many more fun activities than sitting on your couch (ahem, like I am right now) blogging.

For the most part, I feel like I’ve suffered from this a bit as well between weekend getaways, trips to the beach, and just being plain old busy, but right now I feel like writing. About what?

My first swimming lesson went great last week! I was nervous the night before, but when the time came I promised myself I’d try everything at least once and see where it took me. By the end of the half hour a swam all way to the deep end with just two noodles under me for support! Needless to say, I will be having another lesson this week.

We are officially 11 days away from Summer Camp Care 2011 and I couldn’t be more excited! Not only will this summer’s camp be acting as a sort of reunion between myself and some QU friends that I, regrettably, don’t get to see very often, but I also feel more “ready” for this year’s camp.  As I said in this post, you can never be truly ready for the amazingness that camp bestows upon you, but you can try.

First off, I’ll be staying up in the town when Camp Care is located this year, which is going to make things all the more wonderful! Camp is only about 45 minutes from my house and I had been going one because it was easier to shower, etc in my own house but that also meant either leaving early from fun night events with the kids like the BBQ and talent show, or getting home at 11pm only to leave the house by 6:30 the next morning. No good. Staying will allow me to have extra bonding and fun time (and extra sleeping time!!)

I’m also looking forward to taking on the dual role of Camp Care camper and volunteer. At past camps, I have had moments of questioning my place–if I really belong as a camper or a volunteer, what I could even do to help the kids, what I could even do to help myself?  Though I’ve had many times of questioning myself over the past few months, I feel much more sure of my abilities to be available for our amazing kids physically and emotionally. I also feel much more sure of my own goals and things in order to make the most of my experience as a camper.

It’s going to be a great 4 days!! Followed immediately by a week of beach vacation before the semester starts up…but let’s not talk about that yet!!! 🙂

Blast from the past…kindof

Heart racing, breaths deepening, everything surrounding you gets fuzzy.

I can’t quite explain what it feels like. The room around you fades to grey and all you know is yourself.

Nothing else matters, nothing else is present. Just you and your work.

Sometimes it’s the ones most hard on you that know just when you need that extra push. Or yell. That reminder to keep moving. The clock is against you. They will not hesitate to tell you that.

Faster, harder, stronger. It’s the only way. Or someone else is going to beat you to your glory.

You’ve worked too hard for that to happen. Show it off.

So things have been rough. Everyone screws up. The only important part is that moment you reach the end.

That moment when you look into someone’s eyes and you connect. Realizing that for the first time,

YOU see what everyone has seen in you for so long now.

One set of words echoes in my head. “Did we learn something tonight? That you really can do this?”

It’s really simple. Almost too much so. But those 2 sentences mean the world to you when you are on the receiving end.

And for the first time in your life, you are ready to thank yourself. Not just them.

Because you did it.

Every step, every word, every heartbeat, every drip of sweat. It was all you. There was no more fear, no more hesitation. You went for it and you took it.

As you start to come into focus again and your surroundings reappear, it is in the moment when your eyes connect with someone else’s in the room that you see how truly awesome what you’ve just done is.

This is something I wrote a while ago (maybe almost 2-3 years), yet when I was reading it I was amazed at how true it rings for my life right now and for the 5ks. Sorry, I know, shut up about this topic already!! But I can’t. 🙂 This seems to kindof capture the feeling I have when I’m out there on the course, why I do it, and what it feels like at the end. You see, as I’m heading off to Boston, I’ll leave you with a little problem to ponder that I’m facing. It’s not really a problem, but still.

I don’t just want to walk or run 5ks. I want to be good at them. Really good. Finishing with the pack kind of good. Something definitely changed inside of me this last race!!