Self-disclosure and hints of clarity

Hello!! I really do exist!! Sorry it’s been so long since my last post. I have about 3 drafts sitting in a folder, but haven’t really felt compelled to finish any of them right now, and I’ve definitely learned that if the post doesn’t come to me right away it’s not meant to go up yet.

Where to start? What’s new in life? Snow, snow, and more snow. We’ve been getting attacked with it here in CT and I’ve had just about enough. Okay, I had enough about 30 inches ago. I think I would like the snow a lot more if it came in smaller bursts or if I were into any form of winter sports, but I’m definitely not. Although, I would like to try skiing one day! All this snow has led to far too much time being spent indoors lately, but it’s been somewhat of a blessing in disguise because it’s giving me the time, energy, and a little added motivation to stick to my semi self-imposed exercise plans (one month and 2 days! pretty sure that’s a new record in my life!). I’m so extremely happy about that. It’s still not everything and there’s still a lot more I need to get working toward, but it’s huge in my eyes.

The semester started up again on Monday. I was so ready for it. My family has always joked that I would go to school forever if I could and I can’t say I disagree with them. I’ve always loved school/learning. The reasons have changed over the course of my education, but the love has always been present. I’m taking 12 credits this semester, with one course being 6 credits, so I think it’s going to be a tougher few months, but I’m looking forward to the challenge. We’ve talked a lot about self-disclosure in my classes so far–as it pertains to the client-counselor relationship, as well as self-disclosure in the classroom with our peers, and it really got me thinking about self-disclosure in terms of having a disability. I’ve, often, fully self-disclosed in pretty much every setting (friends, doctors, stangers, classmates, interviews, etc.). Most of the time I felt like it was the right thing to do because my disability was much more visible, especially because I’ve always used some type of mobility aid, and I’d rather confront the topic than leave people with unanswered questions. Even though I’ve always done this, I don’t necessarily thing self-disclosing is “who I am” all the time. I don’t like people knowing a lot (or anything at all really) about me, seeing my strengths OR my weaknesses. I keep my heart in an iron-clad box, and if you know anything about me, it’s because you’ve proven, over years, that you’re not going to leave. I know that’s hard to believe, especially with this blog, but like I’ve said, it’s all part of the Plan and I don’t necessarily know why the blogosphere is so comfortable to me, but I have a feeling it’ll be revealed in due time. Until then, I’ll keep blogging as long as I have readers.

The past month has been a really amazing eye opener and gift for me. Between PT, school, and life in general, I’ve been under some stress, but also been given some amazing chances from God for clarity in my head and heart. And we all know how important and awesome those chances and moments are, no matter what your belief system is. One of those moments came this past weekend when I went to visit one of my friends from college, actually my first roommate, who I have stayed extremely close with over our 4 years. There is something so special about taking the time out of whatever is going on in your life to get away, both mentally and physically. It’s an even bigger gift when you can do that with someone who truly “gets” you and truly values who you are as a person and a friend. I’m lucky enough to have so many people in my life that have been there for me, will continue to be, and remind me of that daily. This weekend gave me the opportunity to kind of step outside and see the way others see me, instead of the often distorted view I see of myself (think, how we all feel when we look in the mirror, but on an emotional level as well). Everytime I’m given one of these opportunities, it always ends up leaving me a little lighter and a little happier. 

Another part of this clarity is starting to focus on the future, my career path, and my calling, meaning, whichever word you prefer, in this life. I have been shown so many new doors lately through others, through my own experiences, PT, reading materials, lately and I am eager (and incredibly happy!) to see if the big flashing neon sign that I keep seeing in my brain is really where I’m meant to be. I’m still in the process of discerning much of this clarity out for myself and researching the various hints that He’s been dropping for me, so I’m not going to share it publically yet (sorry! 🙂 ), but I will say that it has to do with all the things I’ve mentioned in this post so far. Vague, I know. Also, for my family and those of you who know me personally; I will say that this is not currently a discernment of a religious nature. Not like that would really matter, or is anyone’s business!

I am continually amazed how much life changes for me on a daily/weekly/monthly basis, and I can truly say that I’m in a state right now where I am happy and content, but that contentment doesn’t necessarily feel like a negative thing or a standstill. It feels right; in every sense of the word.

Also, I feel as though this post was completely random and lacking in a point or any interesting content at all, but thanks for stopping by and reading as always! I appreciate it more than many of you know.


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