Self-disclosure and hints of clarity

Hello!! I really do exist!! Sorry it’s been so long since my last post. I have about 3 drafts sitting in a folder, but haven’t really felt compelled to finish any of them right now, and I’ve definitely learned that if the post doesn’t come to me right away it’s not meant to go up yet.

Where to start? What’s new in life? Snow, snow, and more snow. We’ve been getting attacked with it here in CT and I’ve had just about enough. Okay, I had enough about 30 inches ago. I think I would like the snow a lot more if it came in smaller bursts or if I were into any form of winter sports, but I’m definitely not. Although, I would like to try skiing one day! All this snow has led to far too much time being spent indoors lately, but it’s been somewhat of a blessing in disguise because it’s giving me the time, energy, and a little added motivation to stick to my semi self-imposed exercise plans (one month and 2 days! pretty sure that’s a new record in my life!). I’m so extremely happy about that. It’s still not everything and there’s still a lot more I need to get working toward, but it’s huge in my eyes.

The semester started up again on Monday. I was so ready for it. My family has always joked that I would go to school forever if I could and I can’t say I disagree with them. I’ve always loved school/learning. The reasons have changed over the course of my education, but the love has always been present. I’m taking 12 credits this semester, with one course being 6 credits, so I think it’s going to be a tougher few months, but I’m looking forward to the challenge. We’ve talked a lot about self-disclosure in my classes so far–as it pertains to the client-counselor relationship, as well as self-disclosure in the classroom with our peers, and it really got me thinking about self-disclosure in terms of having a disability. I’ve, often, fully self-disclosed in pretty much every setting (friends, doctors, stangers, classmates, interviews, etc.). Most of the time I felt like it was the right thing to do because my disability was much more visible, especially because I’ve always used some type of mobility aid, and I’d rather confront the topic than leave people with unanswered questions. Even though I’ve always done this, I don’t necessarily thing self-disclosing is “who I am” all the time. I don’t like people knowing a lot (or anything at all really) about me, seeing my strengths OR my weaknesses. I keep my heart in an iron-clad box, and if you know anything about me, it’s because you’ve proven, over years, that you’re not going to leave. I know that’s hard to believe, especially with this blog, but like I’ve said, it’s all part of the Plan and I don’t necessarily know why the blogosphere is so comfortable to me, but I have a feeling it’ll be revealed in due time. Until then, I’ll keep blogging as long as I have readers.

The past month has been a really amazing eye opener and gift for me. Between PT, school, and life in general, I’ve been under some stress, but also been given some amazing chances from God for clarity in my head and heart. And we all know how important and awesome those chances and moments are, no matter what your belief system is. One of those moments came this past weekend when I went to visit one of my friends from college, actually my first roommate, who I have stayed extremely close with over our 4 years. There is something so special about taking the time out of whatever is going on in your life to get away, both mentally and physically. It’s an even bigger gift when you can do that with someone who truly “gets” you and truly values who you are as a person and a friend. I’m lucky enough to have so many people in my life that have been there for me, will continue to be, and remind me of that daily. This weekend gave me the opportunity to kind of step outside and see the way others see me, instead of the often distorted view I see of myself (think, how we all feel when we look in the mirror, but on an emotional level as well). Everytime I’m given one of these opportunities, it always ends up leaving me a little lighter and a little happier. 

Another part of this clarity is starting to focus on the future, my career path, and my calling, meaning, whichever word you prefer, in this life. I have been shown so many new doors lately through others, through my own experiences, PT, reading materials, lately and I am eager (and incredibly happy!) to see if the big flashing neon sign that I keep seeing in my brain is really where I’m meant to be. I’m still in the process of discerning much of this clarity out for myself and researching the various hints that He’s been dropping for me, so I’m not going to share it publically yet (sorry! 🙂 ), but I will say that it has to do with all the things I’ve mentioned in this post so far. Vague, I know. Also, for my family and those of you who know me personally; I will say that this is not currently a discernment of a religious nature. Not like that would really matter, or is anyone’s business!

I am continually amazed how much life changes for me on a daily/weekly/monthly basis, and I can truly say that I’m in a state right now where I am happy and content, but that contentment doesn’t necessarily feel like a negative thing or a standstill. It feels right; in every sense of the word.

Also, I feel as though this post was completely random and lacking in a point or any interesting content at all, but thanks for stopping by and reading as always! I appreciate it more than many of you know.

A lesson in getting out of my own way

It’s been a little bit since I wrote an exercise and PT related post about myself so, I figured, why not tonight? My love/hate relationship with anything having to do with exercise has always stemmed from the inconsistency I tend to often see in my abilities as a person with CP. Some days I’m extremely tight, some days I’m only slightly tight. There is no loose in my vocabulary lately, due to taking the better part of sophomore-senior year of college off in the PT department. Some days, the task I worked on yesterday that I accomplished with ease seems completely foreign and not possible. I know that everyone faces day to day challenges, especially in exercise settings, but when you’re working toward such a huge goal, you look for those consistences to prove you’re doing something right and they don’t always come. Until now.

Tonight I was talking a friend who’s currently studying abroad for the semester in Cork, Ireland. We were catching up on random pieces of eachother’s lives, when she said something that struck me so much I really needed to make it a part of a post. “You know what I’ve come to realize? Life’s not that hard. And it’s not that complicated.” At first I laughed. But then I thought, “you know, I think I agree with that”.

I’ve been consistently working on exercise and things at home for 3 weeks. 3 weeks and 1 day to be exact.  While it was an adjustment at first, it hasn’t really been that hard. Life isn’t that hard or that complicated. All it’s taken is a little planning (I’ve spent about 2 hours a day so far working), a little determination, and some journaling to keep myself on track.

I’m really proud of myself and, while I don’t try to think about seeing any results as a sort of denfense mechanism for not being let down, I have a PT appointment on Monday and I’d love to see if any of the things I’ve been working on are helping when I have a real session (it’s hard for me to gauge at home).

I think it’s all about knowing when to get out of your own way and just go for something. Put the effort in, call it yours, and go get it. For me, that time has come. It came a few weeks ago when I was sent that Crossfit article and video that I blogged about a few posts back. It was my “wake up call”; that somehow I got stuck on exist, rather than live when it comes to my goals, that there was so much I could do (no matter how small to start), and most importantly, that this is not a lost cause. There is hope. And there is proof, in an amazing women named Marissa, that this can happen! (Please take the time to click the link above and go watch the video if you haven’t. It might change you, too.)

I’m stepping out of my own way and knowing at the end of the day…no matter what happens, I did all I could on that day. That’s what I’m feeling 3 weeks in anyway, and this feeling seems long-lasting.

In the end, life isn’t that hard, or that complicated. Thanks Joce! 🙂

Extraordinary Moments

Reblogged from my friend Jocelyn’s Tumblr account…

30 EXTRAORDINARY THINGS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. 

1. A baby is taking it’s first few steps without falling.

2. Two people somewhere in the world, are falling in love.

3. Somewhere, someone is admiring a breathtaking sunrise, and somewhere else, a surreal sunset.

4. A soldier of sorts is diligently fighting the fight so you don’t have to

5. Someone who suffered from a severe injury last year is back on their feet.

6. A small group of people are building something that will soon make the impossible possible.

7. Somewhere on Earth a double rainbow is stretched from one end of the horizon to the other.

8. One of the next Billboard-chart-topping musical artists is patiently rehearsing in her garage.

9. A piece of literature is being written that will eventually change your perspective on life.

10. A friend is helping a friend rise above thoughts of suicide.

11. People of various religious backgrounds are in temples, churches, mosques and other places of worship praying, wholeheartedly, for world peace.

12. An elderly couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

13. Two best friends are laughing so hard that they aren’t even making any noise.

14. A firefighter is running into a burning building to rescue a perfect stranger.

15. Someone in your hometown genuinely wants to be your friend.

16. A new mom is lying in a hospital bed and holding her baby twins for the very first time.

17. Someone is taking a shower and singing happily at the top of their lungs.

18. There is someone out there who smiles when they think of a specific moment they once shared with you.

19. An alcoholic just celebrated one full year of sobriety.

20. Volunteers in major cities all over the world are working at homeless shelters caring for those who are less fortunate than themselves.

21. A high school athlete just broke their own personal record.

22. Two teenagers just received their very first kiss ever from each other.

23. Someone is hugging a friend who desperately needs it.

24. Someone just placed their spare change in the charity collection cup at the grocery store.

25. A small group of friends are sitting around a table sharing funny stories and cheerfully reminiscing about the good old days.

26. Honest people are working for various government entities to help protect your basic human rights and civil liberties.

27. An emergency room surgeon is in the middle of saving his patient’s life.

28. Someone is holding the door open for the person behind them.

29. Someone out there is missing you and looking forward to your next visit.

30. We are reminded that extraordinary things happen to ordinary people, and that there is beauty and wonder in everyday life

Photo Credit: OpenFX.org

Photoshoot!!

A friend of mine from high school, Marisa, did a photoshoot today with me as her subject! She’s been trying to build up her portfolio, and asked if some of us would help out. I was more than excited! I’ve had some ideas on how to change the blog around a bit, make it more sophisticated, yet fun…with a little flair of me, and an extra dose of inspiration. So, here’s you teaser as to how these photos fit in.  And no, these aren’t even the best ones. Look for the changes coming soon!! 😉

3.9!!

CNSL 500 73 Dynamics of Group Behavior CCSU A 3.000 3.000 3.000 12.00
CNSL 560 70 Intro to Rehabilitation Cnsl CCSU A 3.000 3.000 3.000 12.00
CNSL 598 70 Research Methods in Cnsling CCSU A- 3.000 3.000 3.000 11.10

 

Not to be “that girl” who brags about her grades but, Molly 1, Grad School 0!! 3.9 in my first semester! (And my highest GPA in higher ed yet!) So excited! Except for, really Frank?? You coudn’t have just given me an A?? 😛 It’s okay, it’s research. Wasn’t easy. And something to shoot for next semester!