Sometimes I seriously think coming up with a title for a blog post is the hardest part. Anyone else with me on this? I can’t think of anything right now, so I’ll just write and see where I end up!
Things have been c-r-a-z-y around here, hence my lack of adequate blogging. Last week of classes is this week, so I’ll definitely be more consistent over the next month. I can’t promise to be more interesting though, sorry! 😛
I know that last “real” post I wrote I said I was going to be doing the Mitten Run 5k. That didn’t happen, but for some good reasons. First off, I went spinning on Tuesday of last week and nearly had a heart attack from being so out of shape. Okay, I’m not that out of shape, but it definitely felt like it! That was my first indication that, without having trained, and especially in the cold weather, sneaking in one more race just wasn’t all that worth it.
The more I started thinking about it, it just didn’t seem to be a good fit. I couldn’t help but feel like the “right” reason just wasn’t there. I’ve been thinking about walking a lot more lately and I really miss putting all my time, energy, and thought into it as a dream and a goal. I sat down one day last week determined to figure out why I was so quick to pick up races to sort of replace walking. It didn’t take me all that long to figure out it’s all about the feeling.
Walking for me has always been a chase. And if it wasn’t a chase, I’d get just close enough to actually achieving the goal, then I’d run away–for so many reasons I can’t even get into. Even though it was amazing, and hard work, and the best feeling ever when I did take one step, or two, or…a lot, it always was such a long and unpredictable road when it did happen, that I’d often throw it to the back-burner and play the “I don’t care” card when really it was killing me inside because I felt like I was extinguishing my own fire just as it was reaching its brightest moments.
Then running started. As painful and unfamiliar as it was to me at first, it produced close to that same feeling that walking did for me. Note: almost, not quite. But it was the chase, seeing it right there in front of me, and the sense of accomplishment. There was one difference though, time.
Even though 5ks have taken me on average 2 hours, that’s still a hell of a lot shorter than the (okay, if we’re going to be honest and say that actual amount of time I’ve really worked hard) ehhh 1.5 years I’ve actually been trying to accomplish walking. Running races was the high for me because it was a stronger sense of “instant” gratification than I was getting from walking at the time.
All of that started to change Friday when I was at Crossroads working on balance and standing and, somehow the Big Man said, “What the heck, let me remind Molly just how much more gratifying walking by herself is than running, and that’s what it’s worth the wait.”
Needless to say, that 40 minutes of work on Friday did remind me. Unexpectedly (to me anyway), we took that last 10 minutes or so to work on walking in the most serious sense, for the first time in a while. Nothing around me to hold onto in case of a moment of panic, just Dan there to catch me if I looked like I was going down. It was and is the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced and can’t accurately explain. So, for now, it’s time to hang up the running shoes and lace up the learning to walk shoes! Okay, so they’re the same shoes, but who wouldn’t want to wear Nike Frees all the time?? I’m back on the path that makes me the happiest, and we’ll see where it leads.